


S C R A T C H E S

by hedgehog_prince



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Brain Cancer, Eventual Smut, M/M, fluffy at first
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-15
Updated: 2014-02-23
Packaged: 2018-01-08 21:36:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1137644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedgehog_prince/pseuds/hedgehog_prince
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For as long as he can remember, Eren has always had the same dreams. They took place in a different world, consisting of looming walls that both protected and caged in the human race. For years, his dreams often revolve around a gray eyed soldier with the name of Levi. What will he do when he meets the man from his dreams, and why does he seem so familiar?<br/>Levi has spent his whole life living with the memories of his past life and searching for Eren. He finally feels complete when he finds him, only to be crushed with the fact that Eren doesn't remember anything. How will he get Eren to fall in love with him again?<br/>Meanwhile, Eren's sickness gets worse...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just a Dream

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, it's been about two years since I've last wrote fanfiction, and this is my first fanfic for SNK. I absolutely love Eren/Levi and I got really inspired watching the video that made me write this fic!  
> Here's the link to the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RksbGOzyp7k

**PART 1: Reunite**

So cold...

_Eren could only feel the cold as he lay in what felt like complete darkness. He couldn’t sense anything around him, all of his senses were numbed by the cold and overcome by blackness. He didn’t know whether seconds or years had passed when he had the vague feeling that something was beckoning him._

_“Eren, please...”_

_It took Eren a few seconds to realize that the source was a person, and they were calling out to him. The voice sounded distant, and Eren could have easily neglected it and let the darkness consume him completely, but for some reason he just couldn’t ignore it._

I just want to sleep...

_“Eren!”_

Who is calling me?

_The voice roused Eren’s consciousness, and slowly he opened his eyes. He lay in a dazed stupor as his eyes adjusted to his surroundings. The sound of distant thunder and rain hitting the ground sounded almost deafening compared to the peaceful silence he had just experienced. The metallic scent of blood filled his nostrils. He shivered when he felt raindrops fall onto his skin. As his body became more aware, all he wanted was to go back to the tranquil feeling of nothingness. When his eyes finally focused, the only thing in his sight was gray. He squinted a bit and realized it was Levi’s eyes._

Levi...

_Eren saw an expression he rarely saw on the raven haired man: panic. His body felt stiff under Eren’s, and he could feel his fingers slightly go numb from Levi’s tight grip on his hand. His jaw was stiff and Eren could see the muscles on his neck tensing. However it was his eyes that completely gave away his distress. They were both wide open and gazing desperately into Eren’s, searching for a sign of life._

_“Levi...” Eren said weakly, trying to show him that he was alive._

_Levi’s entire body relaxed under his and his eyes flooded with relief. Eren let out a sigh when Levi’s firm grip on his hand loosened a bit._

_“Oh, Eren, thank god...”_

_He noticed Levi’s voice was trembling and Eren’s eyes softened with concern. The splatter of blood on his cheek contrasted against Levi’s pale skin, and Eren had to repress the urge to wipe it away. Not only that, but his body felt completely drained. Levi’s creamy skin seemed to glow against the dark gray sky, giving him the appearance of an angel. Or at least, it seemed that way to Eren. It especially seemed so when he was the first thing he saw when he woke up. It was fitting, seeing that Levi’s biggest duty was to protect Eren. He was his guardian angel. His voice failing him, Eren gathered the energy to slowly lift his arm to gently caress Levi’s cheek, ignoring the pain that shot up his arm and spread throughout his entire body. Eren smiled when Levi gratefully leaned into the touch, but he quickly stiffened once again and gingerly put his arm back down._

_“Stop, you’re going to stretch your wounds if you keep moving.” Levi said, his voice firm, opposite of the trembling and weak voice he had heard before. Eren felt a bit relieved to hear it. The familiarity of his usual stern tone made the situation seem not so bad as it felt._

_Eren slightly winced at the mention of his wounds, the words bringing him back to reality, realizing how grave the situation truly was. He felt his heart ache in his chest as he remembered the panicked look in Mikasa’s eyes before her gruesome death. She was killed right in front of him, and Eren was helpless at the time, his body already heavily injured and some parts were still regenerating. His mind became blank after that, the only thing he could remember was the taste of blood in his mouth and the raging desire to kill as he shifted into his titan form._

_But the flames of fury that once drove his body were now put out. All the strength he managed to muster up until now had disappeared, and Eren knew he had gone too far. He was aware his time left as a human was shortened every time he turned into a titan, and he managed to use it all up in his rampage. At least it helped, he thought as he glanced at the large steaming bodies of titans littering the ground, some of them already fading away into ashes._

_As soon as Levi mentioned his injuries, Eren accepted his fate. He was going to die. These were to be his last moments on Earth, his last moments with Levi. He could already feel his consciousness slowly slipping away, the pain gradually escaping his bones. His eyes left the sight of the numerous titan corpses and gazed into Levi’s eyes. If these were his last moments, then he felt content to spend his last moments with the one he loved._

_Levi must have noticed the look of defeat in Eren’s eyes because he immediately tightened his grip on Eren’s hand once again, his eyes looking intently into Eren’s._

_“Eren, you’re not going to give up on me now. Humanity still needs you,” Levi said, his voice quiet but firm._

_Eren shook his head, wincing and stopping immediately when he felt his neck burn with pain. “Not anymore...all of the titans are basically wiped out.”_

_Levi sighed sharply, desperation slowly seeping into his eyes. “Even if humanity doesn’t, I still need you, Eren.” he said it as if it was obvious, as if it was something Eren should have known without him saying it out loud._

_Eren felt a bit of warmth flow through his veins, reminding him that he was still barely alive. Rarely was Levi so honest with Eren. He could tell Levi was desperate, only serving to remind Eren that he truly was dying. He wished he could say something but there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t reverse time, and even if he could, he probably wouldn’t have changed what he had done. He hated feeling so helpless, and normally he would try his best to turn the situation around. But he knew there was no going back anymore, and he accepted it, even if he didn’t want to leave one of the only people he had left. Levi had trouble coming to terms with that, however, which was surprising to Eren. Death always seemed like a part of life to Levi. Even when his squad was killed, Levi hardly showed any signs of remorse, even though Eren knew of the grief he truly felt. The fact that Levi was showing his fear in front of Eren made him feel truly important to the raven haired man. His chest swelled at the thought._

_“I’m sorry...” Eren said weakly, his voice break near the end to show his remorse. His apology also served as another sign of surrender, which caused Levi’s eyes to light up with anger, but it was only for a moment._

_“Don’t you dare fucking apologize to me, Jaeger. You are not dying right here, and that is an order!” Levi shouted angrily, but his eyes revealed the sadness and dimming hope he truly felt._

_Eren didn’t dare apologize again, so he laced his fingers between Levi’s, gripping as tightly as he could. “I love you.” Eren said, a bit firmer but still quietly._

_He had told Levi those three words many times before, but he had to remind him once again. Levi ducked his head, his bangs covering his eyes and casting a shadow upon his face. Eren wondered if there were tears streaking down his face or if it was the rain. Either way he gently brushed his fingertips against Levi’s cheeks, his chest aching with guilt. “Please don’t cry.”_ Please don’t make it harder for me to leave you.

_Levi shook his head, rejecting the touch, and grit his teeth, his eyes closed tightly shut. “I’m sorry...I’m so sorry...it’s all my fault, goddammit!” Eren shushed him, but Levi kept going. “Please, don’t leave...” Levi now whispered, his voice laced with desperation and grief. It was a tone Eren had never heard before. His breath started to slow down and he could see black appear in the edges of his vision. He didn’t have much time left.  “Listen to me...” Levi stopped talking and opened his eyes, gazing at Eren desperately. Eren felt his heart ache once again when he noticed Levi’s eyes were shining with tears. He couldn’t see the tears running down his face for they were lost in the rain._

_“The promise...” Eren began, his voice barely a whisper so Levi had to lean down to hear him. He tried to smile comfortingly, but it came out as a grimace. “Do you remember?” He didn’t wait for Levi’s reply. “Next time...we will meet again in the next life...just like we talked about before.”_

_Levi slumped in defeat and his eyes softened. He caressed his lover’s face before bending down to gently brush his lips against Eren’s._

_“Next time.” Levi whispered._

_Those were the last words Eren heard before he surrendered to the darkness._

* * *

Eren’s body started with a jolt as he jumped in his bed. He felt awake and alert as soon as he opened his eyes. Eren breathed heavily as his chest rose up and down, greedily gulping down air. His heart pounded heavily in his chest, feeling it in his eardrums. He felt as if he had just ran a marathon. Eren gave himself a minute as he willed his breath to slow down, taking deep breaths before releasing. He gazed up at the ceiling above him as the world from his dreams slowly faded away and his heartbeat slowed down. His eyes skimmed his room, taking in the familiarity of his apartment and convincing himself he wasn’t dreaming anymore. His body relaxed and he sunk deep into his pillow. It was a small room with hardly any furniture. It was intentionally made to be simple so it wouldn’t be such a hassle to clean. There was a dresser with a mirror placed on top and his bed was a mattress on the floor. Beside him was a low table with his lamp and alarm clock. He turned his head to see the time, and he squinted as he focused at the bright red numbers displayed on his alarm clock. It was 9:23, an early time for Eren who normally slept in most days. He grunted as he sat up on his bed, shuddering a bit when the blanket slipped off his shoulders. He lifted the blinds from the window next to him and immediately closed his eyes, shielding himself from the sudden light filling the room.

When his eyes finally got used to the light, he gazed out the window and onto the bustling city below him. His eyes seemed to go blank as images from his dream haunted his mind. He remembered it vividly, and he shuddered as he remembered the blood that was once on his body. He shook his head, reminding himself that the blood wasn’t real. The dreams were nothing new, they were quite normal to him, actually. For as long as he remembered, he always dreamt about the same world. It was like he was placed in a parallel universe every time he closed his eyes. He saw many people he knew currently, such as his sister Mikasa, or his best friend Armin. Although some people in his dreams were people he had never met before, one of them being the gray eyed soldier, Levi. Most of his dreams in the past few years seemed to revolve around that one man, and Eren didn’t know why.

The world consisted of looming walls that both protected and caged in the human race, and deadly giants with the appearance of humans. They were labeled with the name Titans. Most of his nightmares consisted of those terrifying creatures. But not all of his dreams were so gruesome like the one he just had. Eren had the nightmare of him dying in the raven haired soldier’s arms more than once, but most of his dreams consisted of insignificant moments in that world. Moments that he never truly understood. They seemed so familiar yet foreign at the same time. He dreamt of the wind in his face as he weaved through buildings, feeling free as he shot hooks into the air that allowed him to swing from building to building. He dreamt of warm moments spent with his two closest friends, Armin and Mikasa. He dreamt of nights of bubbling laughter spent with his comrades after a tough day of training. He also dreamt of the gentle caress of Levi’s fingers, the brush of his lips against his own. Some nights he would wake up breathless and flustered, and sometimes he swore he could taste another man’s lips on his own. The burning stare of Levi’s gray eyes always seemed to stay engraved in his mind even when he was awake, haunting him throughout the day.

Eren never told anyone about his dreams, except the two people he trusted the most: Mikasa and Armin. They were the two people who understood him best,  and he was afraid of being dismissed as crazy if he told anyone else. He knew no one would understand, they would tell him the same thing his parents told him- that they were just dreams. Mikasa and Armin were never like that. They listened to his aimless rambles, even if they didn’t completely understand his odd attachment to the dreams. They comforted him after a particularly gruesome nightmare. They stood by his side countless times when he had felt lost. The dreams were so vivid, most of the time Eren couldn’t tell the difference between dreams and reality until he was fully awake. He used to walk around in a dazed stupor, wondering what was real and what wasn’t. Who was alive and who was dead.

When he woke up he swore he could still smell the scent of blood in his nightmares, or feel the lingering warmth of somebody else’s touch. No matter how many times he told himself they were meaningless, he couldn’t shake off the feeling that they were important. Armin once jokingly suggested that perhaps his dreams were actually memories from his past life. Although it was intriguing to Eren for a second, he immediately dismissed the thought. The fact that he even considered it was ridiculous. His mother used to tell him as a child that he had an imaginative mind, always making up stories about evil giants and heroes who would defeat them. Maybe his mind kept clinging onto those stories and wouldn’t let them go, so they appeared in his dreams.

Eren remembered telling Armin about his dreams when they were young. His parents often laughed at his antics as they amusedly listened to the summaries of his dreams, but Armin always believed him and listened to him. Armin wasn’t only his first friend, but also the first person Eren could trust other than Mikasa. He first met Armin when he was nine, when he moved closer to the city after his mother died. Due to Eren’s fiery temper at his age, the other kids distanced themselves from Eren. Mikasa, of course, stayed with him. One day he found Armin getting bullied by a few other boys from their class, and Eren quickly jumped in and mercilessly beat up the boys (along with the help of Mikasa). When the bullies finally ran away, Armin only thanked them and ran away. Shortly after, however, Armin sheepishly offered to read a book with Eren, and he shyly accepted. Eren quickly discovered Armin’s passion for books. His expression always seemed to lighten up and he wasn’t as shy when he talked about the subject of books, and that was how they became friends. They would spend time pouring over a book full of pictures from around the world. When Eren first told Armin about his dreams, he was both nervous and excited. He had never told anyone about his dreams other than Mikasa and his parents, and the thrill of telling a secret made his heart pound in his chest. Eren was expecting Armin to just laugh and call him crazy, but instead he was fascinated with Eren’s dream life. One day Armin came up to him with a picture he drew of Eren’s dreams. Armin had a talent for drawing, and it became his passion. He grew up wanting to become an artist, and decided to achieve his dream by studying it at the nearby university. Many of Armin’s paintings had gotten featured, some of them coming from Eren’s dreams (he couldn’t help but grin proudly to himself at the fact that it was because of him Armin figured out his artistic skill). Although they weren’t very far from each other at the moment, Armin was always very busy, so they couldn’t hang out as much as they used to.

Eren was proud of his best friend, but he couldn’t help but be jealous. He never had any path he wanted to take in his life. He had no interests, no passions, no aspirations. He always just went where life took him. Throughout his life, Eren always felt empty. He felt like he had nothing to live for. Every time Eren opened his eyes in the morning he immediately felt dissatisfied, like a large piece of him was missing. That’s why as soon as he graduated high school, he decided to move out and live alone in an apartment. Mikasa was going to a university that was far away and his father was never home, so what was the problem? He wanted to be on his own and find a path to follow in his life. He wanted to find the missing part of him. He was going to give himself one year, and after that he would go to university or do whatever he wanted to do and officially start his life.

But so far, he had been unsuccessful. It had already been a few months and Eren was still clueless as to what he wanted to do with his life. He managed to get a job at a restaurant along with his high school friend, Jean. Eren liked providing for himself. When he lived with Mikasa, his father often left them money for the month while he left to go on long business trips, hardly ever coming home. Eren felt proud of himself when he came home with a paycheck, no matter how small it was. Even if he was barely living on anything, he liked not relying on anyone else. His father offered to give him money multiple times, but he always refused.

Eren also felt a bit lonely without Mikasa, even if he was reluctant to admit it. He complained how she always worried about him and he wanted to be independent from her. She, like Eren, also didn’t have a clue with what she wanted to do with her life, but she always loved to learn and was a perfect student. When she got a scholarship to a great university that was far away, Eren insisted she should go and stopped worrying about herself for once. She reluctantly left and now that she was gone, Eren actually missed her. But even if she was gone they constantly video-chatted and frequently called and texted each other, so she would always be there to constantly check into his life and nag him.

Eren groaned and buried himself in his sheets, shielding himself from the light. Now that he was back to his normal life from his nightmare, he realized his splitting headache. All he wanted to do was to go back to sleep since he had some time before he had to leave, but he knew that once he was awake, he could never go back to sleep. Eren had migraines most of his life, but they weren’t anything he couldn’t handle. Some days, however, they were really bad, and he wouldn’t even be able to get out of bed or move an inch. Mikasa always told him he should see a doctor but he dismissed her constant nagging. She always worried about him a little too much for his liking.

Reluctantly, he left the comforting warmth of his sheetsand stepped out of his bed. He shuddered when his feet touched the cold wooden floor, and pushed himself up. He grunted while he stretched, sighing when he felt his bones finally crack into place. He stood up and began to walk to the door, stumbling a bit when his foot got tangled in a pile of clothes. He paused for a second and looked back at the different articles of clothing scattered all over the floor. He mentally noted to do the laundry at some point, hoping he would have something suitable to wear when he left. The floorboards creaked under his heavy footsteps. It only took Eren about two steps to reach the bathroom. He turned on the shower and adjusted it to his liking, then took off his T-shirt and boxers as he waited for it to warm up. After testing the temperature, he stepped in and sighed in relief as he felt the hot water hit his back. He leaned his head back and felt the water stream down his face, hoping his headache would go away soon and briefly wondering what he should wear to the art display.

Today was the day one of Armin’s paintings were going to be displayed in a small art museum in the city. Eren was extremely proud of his best friend’s achievement, and of course he wanted to be there to see it. It had been a few weeks since he last saw Armin so he was looking forward to it. Eren grinned to himself as he thought about seeing his best friend again. Armin told him that he thought of Eren while he was painting, so he was curious as to what it was. Eren had asked many times before, but Armin refused to give any hints. He shrugged it off, knowing he was going to find out soon enough. Armin had planned for them to meet at the gallery at 11, and afterwards they would go out for coffee and catch up. And after that, Eren would go to work.

Eren was sad to leave the shower when he turned the faucet off. He wrapped a towel around his waist and shuddered as cold air hit his body when he left the bathroom. When he entered his room he briefly thought about what he was going to wear, looking through his drawers and the scattered piles of clothing on the floor. He decided on a dark green sweater with dark blue jeans he found on the floor after observing it and deciding it was clean enough. He walked to his kitchen and ate slightly burnt toast for breakfast, watching T.V in his living room as he ate. After putting his plate back in the kitchen he gazed outside the window in his living room. Eren lived on a floor that wasn’t extremely high but it was tall enough to overlook some of the bustling city below him. He put his hand on the window, shivering as the cold glass met his hand. It didn’t look like it was going to snow but it was freezing outside, seeing from the icicles gathering on his window sill. The weather suddenly shifted from slightly cold to freezing temperatures in a week. It was to be expected in the middle of November, but it was a hassle for Eren who couldn’t afford a car and had to walk everywhere.

After hanging around for a little bit more, Eren checked the time on his phone. It was about time he should start walking. He swallowed a pill just in case his migraines came back and put on a puffy black jacket and slipped on sneakers. The museum was about a ten minute walk away from his apartment, so Eren decided to put on earbuds and listen to music as he walked. He closed the door behind him and locked it as he left his apartment and walked down the staircase. He opened the glass doors outside and immediately shivered as he felt the icy winter breeze hit his face.

******  
  
**

 


	2. I Found You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why are you so far from me?/ In my arms is where you are to be/ How long will you make me wait?/ I don't know how much more I can take/ I missed you but I haven't met you.../ Oh but I want to/ How I do…"  
> \- The Civil Wars, "To Whom It May Concern"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off of this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RksbGOzyp7k

Levi walked in a hazy stupor among the bustling city, overwhelmed with the buzzing energy surrounding him as people from all directions walked around him in a rush. The sound of cars honking, indistinct voices, cell phones ringing, and feet hitting the cement all seemed to blend into a cacophony of noises. Levi wanted to put his hands over his ears and block out every noise possible and be blanketed by tranquil silence. The bleak colors of winter covered the city in a dreary gloom.

Levi walked warily through the crowd, each step draining all the energy out of his body. The icy November wind bit his cheeks and he shivered, burying his face into his sloppily knit forest green scarf (a gift from Hanji) and digging his ungloved hands deeper into his pockets. The wind blew into his face, making his eyes water. He squinted and casted his eyes downward, trying to trudge against the wind and avoid stepping on some stranger’s foot. A deep frown etched onto his features as he tried to avoid coming into contact with the crowd of people, but it was an impossible feat. People swarmed from every direction like cockroaches. Every time someone’s shoulder brushed against his, or someone’s elbow came into contact with his arm, he buried himself deeper into his scarf, trying to shrink into nothing. He hated being touched, especially by strangers. He didn’t know where they’ve been, what they’ve touched...the thought made him shiver in disgust. Feeling another chill tickle his neck and sending shivers down his spine, he readjusted his scarf and took a glimpse of the gray sky, pausing his steps for a second before getting swept by the crowd once again. It looked like it was about to snow. Winter was his favorite season, but only when he was inside the comforting heat of his apartment, not outside where he was currently freezing his balls off.

It was early afternoon and Levi was currently on his lunch break. He thought he would be able to endure the cold weather so he could stop at his favorite coffee shop, the Coffee Legion, but he currently wished he hadn’t done so. Even so, it was too late to go back. Socializing and dealing with his annoying co-workers and high school friends, Mike and Hanji, was the last thing he wanted to do. All day he had been yearning to bask in the comforting warmth of the coffee shop and finally relax as he sipped a warm cup of coffee, away from the bustling city and alone in his own world at the booth the servers always reserved for him. Normally he ate with Mike and Hanji, but today he wasn’t very hungry. That wasn’t the only reason, of course. He just wanted to be alone. He didn’t even want to leave his house, much less go to work and deal with his co-workers. Mike wasn’t all that annoying really, he was rather quiet and didn’t say much. Hanji was the problem. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with her loud presence. Not only that, but he knew she would be able to read him easily.

Levi felt absolutely exhausted. He made a mistake thinking he could fall asleep peacefully last night. He always had insomnia due to his frequent nightmares. As a child he often tried to avoid the bleak horror of his nightmares by never sleeping. Soon it became a habit, and it became nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes he would let himself surrender to the nightmares, but as soon as he woke up with no air in his lungs and a scream in his throat he immediately regretted ever thinking he could sleep peacefully again. It was less painful for him that way. But every once in a while Levi had a peaceful night. He would wake up with the remnants of a smile on his face, the sound of mirthful laughter still echoing in his ears and a warm feeling in his chest that would quickly vanish as soon as he realized where he was. Sometimes it was the blissful dreams that would hurt the most afterward.

Rarely do peaceful dreams come more than twice in a row, but this time it did. So Levi finally let his guard down and decided to get a good night’s sleep for the first time in weeks. He was wrong to do so. He had dreamt of Eren, which was nothing new for Levi. Most of his dreams often had to do with the green eyed boy. But instead of the usual darkness his dreams carried, it was rather pleasant. He had multiple dreams consisting of small insignificant moments they had once shared together. Whether it was Eren smiling gently down at Levi as he removed a flower petal from his hair, or the sound of Eren humming and playing with Levi’s hair while he lay his head on Eren’s lap.

Although the dreams were pleasant, they brought him nothing but pain once he woke up cold and alone. When Levi woke up he was left with a pounding heart and an almost excruciating emptiness in his chest. He felt it in every way possible. The cold and empty space right beside him on his bed, the way Eren’s touches seemed to burn onto his skin, the fact that he had no remnants of Eren’s existence yet it remained in his memory so clearly. It was that aching hollowness that kept him from sleep all night. He tossed and turned in his bed until he gave up and gazed blankly at the ceiling, reflecting on the past.

The past. Those dreams were not just dreams, but memories from a previous life, a life Levi lived a long time ago but still remembered vividly. A time humanity remembered no longer, but still a big part of Levi. It was a dark period of time where humanity constantly lived in fear of terrifying beasts. Levi had been a soldier in that world: humanity's greatest soldier. It was a label he kept his whole life, even after the titans were defeated. He had been living with memories from his past life for as long as he could remember. He never had a doubt in his mind that the vivid dreams weren’t just figments of his imagination. Although his past was a separate part of him, people from his past life still remained with him today. People who were important to him in the past life he had already met in his current life. People such as Hanji and Mike, who used to fight beside him. The circumstances definitely changed, but their personalities had not. Unfortunately their memories didn’t stay. They weren’t the only people from his past- countless people he knew before he had met in his current life at one point or another.

Even though Levi had people from his memories, he often felt alone. He was distant from everyone he met, even his closest friends. He observed the people in his current life, and he just couldn’t connect with them. He felt like a puzzle piece that was put in the wrong box. Sometimes he would accidentally bring up a memory from thousands of years ago and he would have to stop himself. He couldn’t help but stay stuck in the past. He knew he had to let his past go so he could fully enjoy his life, but it was impossible. How could he just let something like that go? How could he just abandon his past and actively participate in his current life? Why did he feel like a part of him was missing?

Levi knew the answer to the last question. That was because a large part of him still remained in his dreams.

Eren.

Yes, he had met almost everyone from his past life, except Eren. In a world full of darkness and death, they had managed to fall in love. Although it was one of the biggest risks to take while being on the battlefield, no matter how hard he tried Levi couldn’t prevent himself for falling for Eren. And god, did he fall hard. Nothing in his life could have prepared him for that. His whole life he relied on himself, never having to owe anyone. Until he met the stubborn and headstrong Eren Jaeger. Eren, who came into his life like a raging typhoon. Eren, who showed nothing but kindness and respect to Levi and expected nothing in return. Eren, whose passion and will to live saved Levi numerous times. They bonded at first due to their goal, and soon that bond turned into neverending trust. But the steel faith they had in each other became something more complex. Something dangerous. Levi tried everything in him to not fall for him because if he did, he would have to be the one to kill him if he ever went out of control. Levi knew that, yet he couldn’t stop himself. Even now, he was still trying to decide whether or not he regretted making that decision of loving Eren. He wished he could say something optimistic and say that there are no wrong choices when it comes to love, but he would be lying. He wished it was that easy.

Eren was his light when the horror seemed to never end, his desperate gulp of fresh air from the endless dark sea surrounding him. Eren helped Levi realize what it was like to feel truly happy. He realized what it was like to not feel alone. He realized what it was like to feel completely weak and helpless.

Throughout his whole life, Levi had been searching for Eren. At first he wasn’t aware of it. The dreams about Eren started around middle school. At first he didn’t understand why his heart raced every time he saw someone with dark brown hair and sun kissed skin, or why he immediately felt unexplainably nostalgic every time his eyes landed on emerald eyes. He didn’t explain to himself why he felt so disappointed after he realized those eyes didn’t belong to that certain person, or why he felt so empty and out of place and he just couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was just _wrong_. But as his memories became clearer he realized it was because he was searching for Eren the whole time. He remembered the promise they made thousands of years ago. Why wasn’t it fulfilled yet? Why must he continue to wait? Why can’t he move on? He had met almost everyone from his past life, where was the one person who was most important to him?

Sometimes he wished he never had those memories. He was tired of waiting for Eren, tired of longing for him. He was tired of waking up with a hollow ache in his chest only Eren could fill. He was tired of only living in the past. Yet he still clung onto those memories desperately, not willing to let them go. He was afraid that if he let go of those memories, the chance of Eren being in the same world would be gone. That beautiful smile and passionate emerald eyes were carved into his memory, and he would never let that go away. He also had a stupid hope that maybe if he found Eren, he could finally move on from what he did in the past. He could repent from his sins and wash away the blood on his hands.

But Levi wasn’t an idealistic person. Eren could be anywhere, possibly the other side of the world. Or maybe Eren still wasn’t even reincarnated yet. The thought filled Levi with dread. He tried to avoid it as much as possible, but it was a possibility that always appeared in his mind.

But Eren wasn’t the only reason Levi couldn’t move on. He knew no matter how hard he tried, he would never be able to escape the horrors of his past. The image of countless corpses of his own fellow soldiers would forever be engraved into his mind. He would never forget the terrified shrieks of those who were eaten alive. He would never be able to truly wash the blood that were once on his hands. He could forget it all during the day, but those haunting images would always revisit him in the dark of the night. It was as if his memories lurked in the darkness of his mind, waiting to strike when he was most vulnerable.

Levi still felt the weight of those who have died for humanity on his shoulders, even thousands of years later. The constant paranoia of wondering, ‘who was going to die next?’ ‘Will it be me?’ was still fresh in his mind. Normally people would think twenty five years was plenty of time to move on, and it was. If it wasn’t for the constant reminder of his nightmares haunting him every night, maybe the feeling of alertness would have faded away by now. But unfortunately it wasn’t so. Levi led a peaceful life now, yet he still couldn’t escape his memories. It was like he was waiting for chaos to strike his life again. Every morning he woke up (if he even slept that night) his body was immediately tense, as if a titan was going to attack any moment. Sometimes he needed to aimlessly walk around his apartment to convince himself he wasn’t in the past. Levi had accepted the fact that he would never able to completely erase the remnants of his past. No matter how hard he tried, the guilt would never go away.

But don’t get him wrong, Levi loved the routine of his life. It was something he was never able to attain in the past. He loved staying in one place, keeping a clean apartment, being able to take a shower everyday. He loved opening his window to watch the cheerful and bustling city underneath. He loved planning out his day and having it turn out exactly the way he wanted.

As a matter of fact, Levi was used to pushing thoughts of Eren and the past to the back of his mind. He kept his past separate from his current life. He never let the lurking thoughts of Eren sneak up on him during work or while he was with his friends or at home during the day. Only at night he allowed himself to become vulnerable. He allowed himself to go back to the past and become the cold blooded soldier he once was. But as soon as his alarm clock rang, he became the Levi everyone knew today. He would shut the alarm clock off, get up from bed, and take a shower, where he washed the remnants of the past away and braced himself for a new day. He transformed from humanity’s strongest to an average human being. And he was fine with that. He didn’t mind it at all. But no matter how many times he tried to live a normal life, the cold blooded soldier remained.

Some days he could actually make himself believe he lived a normal life, with no memories from his past life. But as soon as he closed his eyes at night all of those memories he wanted to forget would come rushing back. But recently it had been getting harder and harder to pretend Eren never existed. It was as if his mind enjoyed playing with him, reminding him every second of every day of the past. He wondered if he was just getting payback for what he had done. The frequent nightmares, the image of Eren constantly in his mind, was it just so he could realize what he had done? Was it so he could always bear the weight of the past? It wouldn’t shock him if it did. He deserved it.

There were only two people who knew about it: Hanji and his boss, Erwin. Although he was his boss, Erwin and Levi had known each other long before. Erwin was his neighbor when Levi moved from France when he was in middle school. He told them long ago about how he knew about his past life and their part in it. Surprisingly enough, they both believed him without hesitation. Levi was incredibly grateful for that. He remembered Hanji once telling him how when she first met him she felt like she had met him before. When she said the words Levi felt inexplicably happy and most of all _relieved_. It filled him with such joy at the time when he realized he wasn't the only one who felt that way. He didn't feel so alone anymore. Although they both worried about him, there was a limit as to how much they could empathize with him. That’s why he often kept it to himself, a burden for only him to carry. Sometimes he felt bad knowing that they still worried about him, but what else could he do?

Levi lifted his gaze from the ground and felt some of the weight lift off his shoulders at the sight of the wooden sign of the coffee shop just across the street. Rushing his steps a bit more, he walked towards the corner of the street. Levi’s steps stuttered a bit when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He continued to walk and took the phone out of his pocket, frowning deeply when he saw the name on his cell phone. Levi sighed sharply and unlocked his phone, bringing it up to his ear.

“What is it, Hanji?” he asked monotonously. He was now waiting at the crosswalk waiting for the cars to pass. He tapped his foot impatiently against the pavement.

“ _LEVI! Why did you ditch us today?!_ ” Hanji’s voice screeched in his ear, and he pulled the phone away from his ear with a grimace.

“Can you not scream directly into my ear? I can hear you perfectly fucking fine.”

 _“Whoops, sorry._ ” she said, not sounding sorry at all. “ _So where are you?_ ”

“I’m stopping by at the coffee shop today.”

“ _You should’ve asked Mike and I to go with you!_ ”

“I don’t feel like dealing with you two little shits today. More like I don’t feel like dealing with you.” Levi said with malice in his voice. He knew Hanji well enough that she wouldn’t take it seriously.

“ _Okay Mr. Grumpy pants, someone is angry today. Well, angrier than usual. Have you taken a shit today?”_

Levi kept his eye on the crosswalk signal. How long was it going to take for it to turn fucking green? “I’m not amused with your five year old toilet jokes at the moment.”

Hanji gasped, feigning shock. “ _Levi, something must really be wrong if you’re not responding to my poop jokes!_ ”

“Can I hang up now?” Levi asked, finger already searching for the button.

“ _Okay, okay, I’m sorry._ ” Hanji chuckled. “ _But seriously,_ ” Hanji’s voice became gentle and Levi repressed the urge to groan. She was using her therapist voice on him. She always used that voice when she wanted to find out what was bothering him. It annoyed him to no end. “ _Is everything alright?_ ”

Levi briefly wondered if he should tell Hanji. She already knew about the dreams, so it wouldn’t hurt. But still, he didn’t like burdening her with his problems. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just tired and I don’t feel like socializing today.”

“ _You never feel like socializing,_ ” Hanji said, her tone light, but it dropped once again. “ _Is it because of the dreams?_ ”

Levi’s gaze casted downward. Even if he refused her help, Hanji would help him no matter what he said. That was the kind of person she was, and Levi was grateful for that, even if he rarely showed it. She always saw past his disinterested facade. “Yeah,” Levi answered quietly, not sure if she could hear him with all of the city noises blocking him out. He cleared his throat. “I don’t really feel like talking about it now.” Finally the light turned green and Levi began to walk across the street, more like he was swept with the crowd around him.

“ _Of course. I was thinking about it, and I think you should see a doctor. Your dreams are basically memories, they’re kind of like post-traumatic stress disorder right?_ ”

“Oh, right, let me just tell the shrink how I used to slay giants to save humanity. He’d send me to a mental hospital if I told him that.”

“ _Okay, that’s true. But there are still other unconventional methods of getting rid of nightmares, such as-_ ”

Levi’s mind immediately tuned her out. It became a talent of his over the years. He knew she wouldn’t shut up anytime soon-once she went on a science rant, there was no stopping her- so he wondered if he should just hang up now. Finally he saw the walk sign and the crowd of people surrounding him began to move and he sighed a breath of relief. He was only steps away from beautiful warmth and coffee, he could almost taste it already.

A shoulder bumped into him and he stumbled a little bit, causing his slightly uplifted mood to dissipate immediately. He lifted his gaze from the ground, ready to send a death glare to the person who needed to learn his manners. His eyes met the person next to him and when silver met turquoise, any traces of malice in his eyes completely vanished. His eyes widened in shock. His breath quickly left his body and his lips parted in disbelief.

 _Oh my god, it’s him_.

He slowed down his steps to get a better look at the boy. The boy also slightly paused to look at him, which only served to make the moment feel even more real. Time seemed to go in slow motion as they passed each other. Everything ceased to a halt. The noises from traffic came to a stop and the sea of people pushing past him didn’t exist. All he could hear was his heart pounding in his chest, and all he could see was Eren.

It couldn’t possibly be a dream. It wasn’t like the countless times where Levi would mistake the back of a stranger for Eren. This was the actual Eren Jaeger, _his_ Eren, walking past him. This was actually happening.

 _Eren_.

But as quickly as the moment had started, it ended. Time seemed to resume again, the noise from the cars filled his ears and sounded louder than ever, and he quickly found it hard to stand in place as the ocean people tried to walk around him. But unlike Levi, the boy kept walking. _“_

_-vi?”_

Levi was suddenly aware of the voice still in his ear.

“ _Levi?_ ”

“Gotta go.” he said simply. Before he could hear her response he hung up and shoved his phone in his pocket.

The boy continued to walk past him, but Levi knew. He was never so sure of himself before. The hair, his stature, his skin, and even if he saw them for a second, he could recognize those eyes anywhere...

He had to do something. Anything. He couldn’t just let that chance go, he would be letting the love of his life go but why couldn’t he move? Why weren’t his legs working? Why couldn’t he turn around? He was afraid of it being another mistake, afraid of becoming disappointed again. He didn’t know what he would do if it wasn’t Eren.

Before he could chicken out Levi quickly turned around and felt his heart stop in his chest when he realized the boy had stopped too, and he was looking straight at him. Levi felt himself fall in love all over again. His heart pounded so hard in his chest he felt his head spin. Levi could see the mix of acknowledgement and bewilderment in his eyes, and Levi felt his chest soar. The boy’s eyebrows furrowed as he tried to take in the sight in front of him.

 _Yes, it’s me Levi. We can finally be happy. Our promise can finally be fulfilled_.

Levi thought his heart would burst out of his chest when Eren walked towards him, uncertainty and a mix of other emotions displayed in his eyes. He loved that about Eren, how all of his emotions could easily be displayed through his eyes. Levi started to remember all the small things about Eren from the freckle on his collarbone to the way his nose slightly wrinkled when he laughed. He was going to see it all again. He couldn’t believe this was happening. It wasn’t a dream, right?

 _Say something!_ Before he could even think of something to say he opened his mouth anyway, but whatever he was about to say was interrupted by an obnoxious car horn.

 _Shit_. The moment was immediately ruined and Levi quickly realized that he and Eren were the only people still left in the street. After shooting a dirty glance to the driver, he quickly headed towards the sidewalk. Happiness and adrenaline quickly filled his veins again once he reached the sidewalk. He had to suppress the urge to smile like a fool. Eren was there--with him--and it wasn’t a dream. It wasn’t a mistake. It just had to be real, it would be too cruel if it wasn’t.

Levi quickly turned around to see if Eren was still there, and was relieved to see that he was. Levi felt his heart race at the look in Eren’s face. It was completely filled with wonder, as if Levi was something he had never seen before. He almost wanted to kiss him right there, just to fill his desire and and to see if he was truly real. But he figured there would be time for that later. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to do, yet he couldn't do anything at all other than just gawk at the sight in front of him. But the moment was quickly getting awkward and Levi searched for something to say. He didn’t talk much but he often knew what to say, and he was waiting for this moment his whole life and dammit- why can’t he think of anything? But Eren spoke before he did. Suddenly everything was in slow motion again as Eren was about to move his lips, taking in a breath to say something. What was he going to say, what were going to be his first words? He could see his lips moving and his breath unfurl into the cold winter air, but he couldn’t hear anything. Soon his mind caught up with Eren’s voice.

“Have we met somewhere before?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG I AM SCUM  
> And I ended on a cliffhanger too….I'm (not) sorry!  
> I'm going to be switching between Levi and Eren's POV throughout the story.  
> My tumblr is ravioli-alchemist, feel free to talk to me about anything!


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